When communicating with a person, we often set certain goals for ourselves – to find out something, to achieve something.

And this happens regardless of the style of communication: whether it is deliberately rude or extremely tactful and courteous-goals always exist and try to dictate to us how to behave. The difficulty is that there are also specific goals and motives on the opposite side. How to beat the other person? And it is desirable not to offend him, that is, not to cause retaliatory aggression, which will complicate the solution of the problem. Therefore, you should adhere to the following rules:

- Do not apologize for making a request to your partner in order to avoid a pliably belittling form of communication. Starting a phrase with an apology, you tell your partner that there is something inconvenient or unprofitable in your request. in Other words, an apology from the very beginning carries the expectation of a negative reaction from the opponent. And there is a high probability of getting it in response to your offer.

- Take responsibility, do not blame others or circumstances, otherwise, the interlocutor will begin to doubt your ability to really assess events.

- Be aware of self-control when you start feeling irritated or impatient. As soon as you begin to show signs of irritation, the partner begins to expect a negative defensive reaction from you, which will create fertile ground for a new round of conflict.

- Don't underestimate your partner's intelligence. Never consider yourself smarter than the other person. You will not be able to completely hide patronizing condescension to your partner if it "sits" in your head. It will be transmitted by nonverbal signs of your behavior.

- Don't corner the other person. By giving your partner a maneuver, allowing them to retreat, preserving their face and self-esteem, you do not lose anything, but only gain or strengthen psychological contact, self-confidence.

- Move away from open confrontation. Refrain from prematurely exerting psychological influence, entering into a dispute situation with your partner.

- Do not try to get away from an unpleasant topic by interrupting the dialogue, moving away from the room, ignoring the words addressed to you, confusing the interlocutor or giving a demonstrative vow of silence.

- Negative labels and personal insults generate resentment and resentment. Constant references to a person's shortcomings deprive him of self-confidence, regular mention of a real or imaginary character trait can lead to its appearance or strengthening.

- Direct accusations and attempts to cause the interlocutor to feel guilty generate a protest and a desire to respond in kind. Remember: no one and nothing can make you feel guilty, hurt, or angry – you are responsible for your own feelings.

- The "I am right and you are wrong" position prevents the desire to reach a compromise.

- Demands and ultimatums often lead a person into a rage or protest. It is never necessary to threaten or hint at possible terrible measures, trying to force a person to cooperate.

- Exaggerated generalizations using such words, as always, all, forever exaggerate the significance of what is happening or committed by a person, condemning it.

- Do not allow yourself to interrupt the other person too often, especially if the person is engaged in a detailed description of their feelings, and you will need it.